


In ruined soil flowers bloom

by Awritinghufflepuff



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Back rubs, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Bucky Barnes Feels, Cancer, Cancer Arc, Chemotherapy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Hurt, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Ice Cream, Illnesses, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Pining, Protective Bucky Barnes, Sickness, Slow Burn, Tony Angst, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-07-10 01:37:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19897750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awritinghufflepuff/pseuds/Awritinghufflepuff
Summary: I'm so sorry for this, I really am... But y'all know that this was coming ...





	1. Chapter 1

It was Bucky who noticed it first, the little changes in Tony's behaviour. His limbs were shaking now and then, and every tuesday, Tony dissapeared for a few hours, only to go straight to his room for days afterwards.   
"Tony? What's up?" He asked one day, when he caught Tony staring at the sunrise with tears in his eyes. 

Tony looked up at Bucky.   
"You've noticed. Didnt you?"   
It was only now that Bucky saw how pale and thin Tony had become.   
"I did. Will you Tell me what's wrong?" Bucky kneeled beside Tony , who was really crying now. Out of frustration or relief that someone finally noticed. 

The engineer rubbed over his head and showed Bucky his shaking hand... That was littered with greying hair.   
"Tony, what?"   
"Cancer, Barnes. A pretty agressive one." Tony sighed, tearing up."i'm scared. I keep thinking that every sunrise could be my last, and I'm on my own."

Bucky took Tony's hand.   
"You're not on your own, doll. You've got me."   
Tony chuckled lightly.   
"It's not gonna be pretty, Barnes. Chemo therapy is already tearing me apart. This is not the time for a love story." He rubbed his temples tiredly.   
"Well maybe it isn't, but then at least you've got a friend. Or someone you can hate more than the cancer." 

Tony looked at Bucky again, with those tears in his eyes. Bucky pulled him close, feeling how sobs wrecked Tony's fragile body.   
"Does anyone else know?"   
Tony shoock his head.   
"Only Jarvis and happy."   
Bucky rubbed the billionaire's back.   
"God, you must have felt so alone."   
"You have no idea."   
_____

"Bucky?" The soldier looked up at the man leaning against his door frame.   
"Hey Tones, how are you today?"   
"I'm so nerveous. Will you come with me?"   
"Where to, sweetheart?"   
"My chemo therapy and blood test."   
"Oh, Tony. Of course i'll come with you."He rose from the chair and his fingers linked with Tony's as they walked towards the elevator together.

They took the Jeep today, because Tony felt like it. Happy was already behind the wheel.   
"I'm glad to see you finally told someone, boss." He said, when he saw Bucky.   
"Yeah yeah. Off to the hospital we go."Tony said, a smile tugging at his lips. 

They hooked Tony up to an IV behind a curtain, and Bucky couldn't help but think how small Tony looked. The way he laid curled up on the bed, looking outside at the hills.   
"It's gonna be An hour or three. You don't have to stay." Tony whispered.   
"Don't be so silly. I'm not going anywhere." Bucky smiled, reaching out to ruffle Tony's hair and run his hand over the man's back. 

"That feels nice. Would you mind...?"   
"Nah doll, I'd be happy to give you a back rub." Bucky smiled, pressing a kiss to Tony's temple and scooting his chair closer so he had easier access. He felt Tony relax beneath his touch. Soon, Bucky noticed that Tony wasn't humming anymore. He got worried and peeked at Tony's face, only to find him blissfully asleep. And wasn't that a sight Bucky would cherish forever?

"Tones... Tony, wake up sweetheart."Bucky smiled three hours later. Two honey coloured eyes wearily blinked up to him.   
"Hey there sleeping beauty." He greeted Tony. "you back with us?"   
"Did I sleep through the treatment?"Tony seemed amazed.   
"Yup. Slept like a babe when I rubbed your back."   
"I'm sorry. You must have been so bored." Tony tried getting upright. 

Bucky smiled and carefully supported him to standing.   
"Wasn't bored for a minute. Learned a lot about your condition. Why in the hell did you think being alone was a good idea?"   
"Don't want to be a burden." Tony shuffled off towards the bathroom in the hallway, where he noisily threw up. Bucky followed , full of worries.   
"Yeah, no way i'm leaving you to be on your own now."


	2. Chapter 2

When they got home, Tony ran towards the toilet, collapsing in front of it and emptying the rest of his stomach's content in the porcelain bowl.   
"Oh Tony..." Bucky lifted the shaking body and cleaned him up a bit.   
"S...s...so cold."Tony shivered. Bucky carried him to bed with a bucket to puke in and went to collect all the blankets he could find.   
"There, I bet you'll be warm in no time now." 

Tony peeped at Bucky from under the covers.   
"Thank you, for everything you did today."   
"You're welcome, darling." Bucky sat down on top of the covers and rubbed Tony's back until he slept again. He took Tony's phone with him, so nothing would disturb Tony's rest. Before he knew, he'd dozed off on the couch in the living room of the pent house. 

The next morning, he woke up by Tony's phone ringing.   
"Turn it off! Turn it off! Too loud!" Tony screamed in the bedroom. Bucky scrambled to end the call and ran to Tony, who was still screaming.   
"Shh... There's no noise anymore babydoll. The music is gone. It's quiet except for the two of us." He wrapped his arms around Tony, still whispering to him that it was okay. That it was just them. 

Tony eventually calmed down and looked tired again.   
"I'm so sorry you have to see me like this. You really don't have to play my nurse. " He seemed embarrased, and Bucky frowned.   
"Tony. Just in case it wasn't clear, I care about you a lot. It breaks my heart to think you went through a big part of therapy alone if you're like this after each treatment." 

He grabbed one of Tony's hands and rubbed it tenderly. The genius gave him a weak smile and Bucky gave the hand small squeeze.   
"I'm gonna head downstairs for a minute to get us something to eat. Something particular you want?"   
"Bananas?" Tony asked hopefully.   
"All right. Bananas it is." Bucky promised. Tony smiled and grabbed his phone from Bucky's hand.   
"Call me if there's anything. I won't be long, but you never know." Bucky said.Tony smiled and nodded, Bucky pressed a cautious kiss on his forehead and then dissapeared into the Elevator.   
Tony noticed he had two new messages and opened them. 

*Pepper Potts*: Hey. I know it's your day off and you're not feeling all too well lately, but i need you to come in and help me get this huge deal with India. They only want to talk to you. I need you to pick up the phone. 

*Pepper Potts*: Tony, why aren't you answering?! We're gonna miss a big deal if you don't come in today. Please don't let me down.

He was still looking at his phone when Bucky came back with a bowl of fruit salad and some toast.   
"Think you'll keep this in?"   
"I can try." Tony sighed.   
"Something wrong?"   
"No..."   
"Tony." Bucky said sternly, and Tony gave in with a sigh. His hands nerveously twitching. 

"It was Pepper calling... All that noise I screamed about... She wants me to come in today, to seal a deal. She's counting on me."   
"With all due respect, Tones. You're in no condition to work. " Bucky said, which only got confirmed when Tony retched again.   
"They only want to talk to me, I have to do this." He said weakly. 

"No, i'll call Pepper. You're not going. Maybe Stevie's willing to help her out with that deal, or Natasha." Bucky said. "God Tony, don't you think she has the right to know the condition you're in?"   
"Maybe." Tony said weakly, Bucky raised An eyebrow.   
"Okay yeah I should tell her. I'll video call her."


	3. Chapter 3

Pepper answered the call immedeatly, and was visibly shocked at Tony's 'morning after chemo' look.   
"Hey Pep." He said with a small smile.   
"Tony, are you okay? You look like you're very ill. Did I wake you up?"   
"No, I am, and yes." Tony replied, wincing a bit at the thought of what was about to happen. "I've got something to confess, Pep." 

This was obviously hard on him, but Pepper was one of his favorite people and his boss. She had to know.  
"Tony, you know you can tell me anything. Whatever it is, we'll work it out."   
"I... I have cancer, Pepper. I had my sixth chemo therapy yesterday. Bucky's been taking care of me all night." 

Pepper got tears in her eyes and her hand flew up to her mouth.   
"Oh Tony..." She said softly. "i'm so sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you, you have so many other things on your mind right now. Does Rhodey even know?"   
"I'm pretty sure Jarvis has informed him, since he called me multiple times to assure me he'd be visiting me asap." 

Pepper gave him a small smile:"Sounds like he knows, all right."  
Tony started shivering again and Bucky wrapped a blanket around him.   
"God, Tony. I'll come and see you first thing after this reunion. I'll try to get the deal myself. I'll tell them you've talked to me, okay?"   
"That would be great, love. I'll see you later, then."   
"I'll see you soon, Tony."

Pepper stopped by two hours later, while Tony was asleep. Bucky made her some tea and they sat down in the living room.   
"Thank you James." Pepper said, sipping her tea.   
"I'm sure it's just pretty average tea..."   
"Not that, for taking care of Tony. He doesn't let people in easily, it's good to know someone's with him."   
"He's stubborn as heck, but i'm doing everything I can to help him." 

The sound of someone throwing up made both Bucky and Pepper rush towards the bedroom.   
"Hey there Tiger." Bucky swiftly sat down next to Tony and wiped the man's sweaty face with a cool cloth."Easy... That does it..."   
"Thanks." Tony rasped.   
"My pleasure." Bucky smiled tenderly. 

Tony now spotted Pepper.  
"Hey Pepper, dear."   
"Tony. God, I didn't know you were this ill."   
"Well yeah i'm good at hiding it." Tony shrugged." The day after is always the worst. That's why it's my day off."  
"I'll leave you two to talk. You call me when you need anything." Bucky said, getting up and leaving the room. 

"You know he's in love with you, right?"Pepper asked Tony as soon as Bucky was out of hearing range." The way he looks at you. He'd do anything for you."   
Tony sighed and lowered his gaze.   
"I think that's why he noticed. He was looking out for me already."  
"Then why do you let him trail after you like a puppy? Go for it!" 

Tony balled his fists, fighting his tears.   
"Because I can't offer him anything, Pep. No dates, no romantic walks on the beach..."  
"He just wants you, he knows it's not easy in your condition. "Pepper tried.   
"Maybe... I'll sleep on it. "   
"You do that." Pepper gave in."do the Avengers know about your condition?"   
"No, they don't."   
"They're your team mates, Tony. Maybe it's time to tell them." 

She smiled at Tony and gave him the contract she had managed to get with India. Tony signed and settled back into the cushions.   
"You need to rest. I'll visit soon, okay?" Pepper said, tucking Tony in.   
"Yeah. Thanks Pep."   
"Anytime, Tony." 

Bucky spent most of that week caring for Tony. Steve was surprised that Tony allowed Bucky to suddenly be so close, but he was happy that his best friend got to spend time with the man he had been crushing on since Steve had gotten him back. 

"So," he asked one night, when Bucky was cooking dinner in their appartement for a change."what do you and Tony do all day up there?"   
"We talk, and watch tv, Tony sleeps a lot. I make sure he eats and drinks."Bucky said."and tomorrow we're heading out for a few hours."  
"Like a date?"   
"Not quite." Bucky grimaced, thinking about the IV Tony was bound to get. 

Steve kept asking questions during dinner, but Bucky didnt answer them all. It was up to Tony to come clean with everything when he was ready for it. He got a text from Rhodey that Tony was asleep and smiled. Tony had had a good day today. Bucky just hoped this chemotherapy wouldn't be as hard on Tony as the previous one had been...


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky's hope proved to be idle the next day. When Tony woke up after the IV and scratched his head, it left a bald spot. One side of his beard was also dotted with bald spots and Tony cried hot tears when Bucky carefully shaved the signature goatee off. 

Two terrible days later, Tony stared into the mirror as Bucky shaved the last of his hair off. They had ordered wigs and a sort of bandanas, which were more comfortable inside the compound. Tony chose a bright red bandana and looked away from his reflection when he saw himself with it. 

"Hey, what's wrong doll?" Bucky asked when he noticed Tony had started crying.   
"I don't feel like myself anymore, I don't even look like myself!" Tony sniffed."cancer has become me and I have become cancer."   
"Now now, that's not true." Bucky said, coming to stand in front of Tony. He looked down at Tony , full of tenderness. "Let's see."

"Those beautiful honey eyes are Tony Stark's," a kiss to both closed eyelids and an Eskimo kiss by rubbing their noses together.   
"Those nimble hands are iron man's, capable of making whatever that brilliant mind comes up with." Hands laced together over a beating heart, a small smile on Tony's lips.   
"and those plush lips are property of the gorgeous man i'm in love with." Bucky said descicively, before kissing Tony tenderly. 

Tony's hands came to rest on Bucky's chest and Bucky wrapped his arms around Tony.   
"I love you so much." He whispered to Tony, who buried his face in Bucky's chest.   
"I love you too. Thanks for being there for me."   
"Always, doll."   
Tony sighed and squeezed Bucky a bit tighter.   
"I think it's time to tell them, to tell the Avengers."   
"All right. Let's go downstairs." 

The Avengers got quite the shock when they saw Tony like that. Even Natasha's poker face couldn't hide the surprise and grief she felt for her friend.  
"Tony..." Clint swallowed heavily.   
"Yes Clint. It's exactly what you think it is." Tony nodded, Steve frowned.   
"It's cancer, Steve." Tony said, grabbing Bucky's hand for comfort. "That's why you haven't seen me or Bucky around often. The chemo therapy... It's...a lot."

He swallowed.   
"I... I just hope that i'll survive, and Bucky has been helping me and caring for me."   
Tony was suddenly emerged in two strong arms. Steve was on the verge of crying and hugged Tony close.   
"I hope you'll get better, Tony. I really do." He whispered. "I don't want to lose both of my best friends."   
"I'm one of your best friends?"   
"Yes. You are. "   
"Wow. Steve. I ..." Tony was touched. The two super soldiers led him to the couch. 

"Are you feeling okay. Tony?" Bruce asked, the doctor was eyeing him with concern.   
"Yeah just tired." Tony sighed."chemo therapy isn't light."  
"It's so weird to see you without your beard and hair." Clint mused. Tony smiled weakly at him.   
"Believe me, bird, it's even weirder for me."

A big hand was placed on Tony's shoulder and Thor looked Tony in the eyes.   
"I'll go to asgard. Perhaps they have something that can help you, my brave brother in arms. So that you need not be poisoned with the cure midgardians invented. I can see it's not good for you."   
"That's so kind of you, Thor." Tony smiled. "Thank you."   
"My pleasure, i'll return as quickly as possible." Thor said, before Stepping onto the terrace and calling for the bifrost. 

Tony ended up falling asleep in Bucky's arms on the couch and Steve looked at the two of them.   
"How is he holding up?" Steve asked Bucky. "And how are you?"   
"He's so brave, Stevie. Honestly. He's already had so many health problems, this is just another one on the list."Bucky said, choked up. "And I'm okay Stevie, i'm so worried, but we told each other 'i love you' and we had our first kiss."

Steve smiled, happy for his best friend. Bucky had been pining after Tony for so long and they both deserved to have a special first kiss and be happy. Yet, he also felt heartbroken, because if Tony wouldn't survive, he didn't know if Bucky could handle it.


	5. Chapter 5

Tony chose that moment to wake up and he settled in a more comfortable position before almost dozing off again.   
"Let's get you to bed doll." Bucky smiled.  
"I'm sleeping." Tony murmured almost incoherently.   
"You should be sleeping in your real bed. C'mon." Bucky lifted Tony , who was already back asleep, up. He said his goodnights to Steve and carried Tony to the penthouse. 

"Goodnight doll. I'll be in the guest room if you need anything. All right?"Bucky smiled as he tucked Tony in. A hand grabbed hold of his wrist.   
"Stay?" Tony pleaded, and Bucky felt as if he turned into a puddle then and there. 

"Yeah, sure. If ya want me t'stay with ya, I will." He nodded, he pulled his shirt over his head and pulled down his joggings. Crawling into the bed with nothing more than his boxers.   
"Hey." He smiled when Tony's nose brushed his.   
"Hi." Tony smiled back, before cuddling up to the warm super soldier.   
Bucky held Tony close and rubbed his back again until his beloved was softly snoring. It was a long time before he fell asleep himself. 

The next morning, he found Tony on his chest, eyes opened.   
"Good morning." He said with a smile.   
No reply.   
"Tony?" He frowned and tried again."Tony, sweetheart?"   
Okay, now this was creepy. Bucky's hand shot up to feel Tony's pulse in a panick. 

'Dear god please let him have a heartbeat.'Bucky prayed, and that was the moment Tony moved and opened his eyes.   
"Oh god, Tony. I thought I lost you."Bucky couldn't stop the tears, or the quiver in his voice. He kissed the man's face and caressed the man's back. Tony needed a moment to wake up a bit more.   
"Huh, whazzup?" He was still sleep drunk. Bucky pressed kisses on Tony's temple and buried his nose in the crook of the man's neck.   
"God I thought you died in my arms. I'd never forgive myself if you died while I was asleep so close to you..." 

This made the proud billionaire sit up and place Bucky's hand over his beating heart. Lacing their fingers together in a reassuring gesture.   
"I'm still here,Buck." Bucky nodded and let out a breath he didnt knew he was holding in, before setting down a bit. 

They stayed in bed, spending the day watching a movie and cuddling while Tony worked a little on his Stark pad. He still didn't feel well enough to go to work.   
"Hey Buck?" Tony asked, all of the sudden.   
"Yes Tony?"   
"Did you mean it when you said you loved me?"   
"Of course I did. " Bucky smiled. "didn't you?" 

Tony grew quiet and frowned, as if something bothered him. It worried Bucky, but Tony leaned against him and everything felt so sweet that he let it slide. That night, Bucky didn't know what to do. Tony gave him a shy smile and threw the covers open next to him.   
"Get in there." He said. Bucky couldn't believe it. For the second night in a row he would be sleeping with Tony! 

The engineer soon started shivering and cuddled up to Bucky, who wrapped his arms around the skinny, shivering form. They fell asleep like that, Tony's head filled with worries, while Bucky was happy he could hold the man he loved.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for this, I really am... But y'all know that this was coming ...

The next morning Tony slipped out of bed and stood in front of the window. What if his blood test was bad again? This particular chemotherapy was done, he'd have to try a new one. Maybe that one would make him even more sick. 

He looked at Bucky, who was peacefully curled up in the sheets. He was such an angel to Tony, and they both knew they loved each other. He would get hurt... Tony didnt want him to.   
If the blood test was bad he wanted to just live with Bucky until he died, but he knew Bucky would want him to keep trying to get rid of the cancer. 

Tony was torn, and he had to make sure the beautiful man in his bed didn't notice it. Bucky had given him so much will to live again, free from chemotherapy and cancer. A life that would never be Tony's, because his life was never that easy. 

He sat on the bed and looked at Bucky's peacefully sleeping face.   
"You're so beautiful." He pressed a kiss on Bucky's temple and Bucky's head unconsiously turned to chase more, which made Tony smile sadly. "but I need to let you go."  
Bucky, of course, was blissfully unaware of this and unconsciously scooted closer to Tony's seated body. 

They got the results of the blood test in the mail later that day, and Tony 's hand was shaking as he read it. Bucky's heart broke when he saw Tony's figure slump.   
"It's no good." Tony whispered whispered, tears rolling down his cheeks." They say i'll have to try another chemotherapy."  
"Oh no..." Bucky rose from the couch to go and comfort Tony, but the engineer just ran to his room. Bucky heard the click of the lock. 

"Tony?" He knocked on the door."Please let me in."   
It stayed awfully quiet, and Bucky knocked again.   
"Sweetheart, please let me in."   
This time he heard a small sob on the other side of the door.   
"I don't want to, i'll only hurt you." And Tony wasn't just talking about that door. 

"That's life, People get hurt. Those things happen. Please, Tony. I love you."   
"That's why I need to protect you. It's becoming painfully clear that I won't survive this, so stay out while you can, Barnes."   
A click... Music started playing. The lyrics broke Bucky's heart. 

"I hate feeling like this  
I'm so tired of trying to fight this  
I'm asleep and all I dream of  
Is waking to you

Tell me that you will listen  
Your touch is what I'm missing  
And the more I hide I realize  
I'm slowly losing you

Comatose  
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe  
'Less I feel you next to me  
You take the pain I feel  
Waking up to you never felt so real

I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream  
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me  
The way you make me feel  
Waking up to you never felt so real

I hate living without you  
Dead wrong to ever doubt you  
But my demons lay in waiting  
Tempting me away

Oh how I adore you  
Oh how I thirst for you  
Oh how I need you

Comatose  
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe  
'Less I feel you next to me  
You take the pain I feel  
Waking up to you never felt so real

I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream  
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me  
The way you make me feel  
Waking up to you never felt so real

Breathing life  
Waking up  
My eyes open up

Comatose  
I'll never wake up without an overdose of you

I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe  
'Less I feel you next to me  
You take the pain I feel  
Waking up to you never felt so real

I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream  
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me  
The way you make me feel  
Waking up to you never felt so real

Oh how I adore you  
Waking up to you never felt so real  
Oh how I thirst for you  
Waking up to you never felt so real  
Oh how I adore you  
The way you make me feel  
Waking up to you never felt so real"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is comatose by skillet


	7. CONTEST

Hey everyone!   
Normally I don't do this, but I've decided to do a contest! Just because I love this story so much and I'm really so curious about how you guys picture Bucky and Tony in this story.

Do you like this story?   
Are you creative?   
Do you want a sneak peak? 

Then this is for you! 

Send me your spinoff of this fic, your fanart about this story (f.e. your favorite scene) ... Anything! To my discord : Jas #8249

I will pick two lucky winners who will get a sneak peak! 

This contest will be open until Friday 9th of August 2019

I look forward to receiving your commissions and I hope for a lot of participants! 

May the best win!

Lots of love   
Jas


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I received no commissions for the contest, no one wanted a sneak peak? Oh well... Here's the new chapter. :)

The next morning had Tony opening the door to get breakfast, only to find Bucky asleep in front of his bedroom door. Dried streaks of tears on his face, tears for the hurt they both were going through. Sadness for something that couldn't be. 

"Oh Bucky." Tony sighed shakily, he dragged a blanket and pillow towards the man and tucked the man in carefully before he went to get his coffee. Bucky joined him not much later, blanket still around him. 

"Hey..." Tony said softly, Bucky just nodded and sat down at the table, wiping his cheeks who were obviously sticky from the tears.   
"So, you're not talking to me?" Tony asked.   
"So, you're Running away from me?"Bucky retorted.   
"You call it running away, I call it a strategic retreat." Tony said and sat down in front of him. 

"Bucky, you need to understand..." He sighed, when he saw Bucky's frown.   
"Was it something that I've done? Something i said?" Bucky asked, voice quivering.  
"No, honey, no..."   
"Then why would you suddenly dump me like that, Tones?" A tear escaped Bucky's eye and Tony went to wipe it away, but Bucky roughly rubbed at the spot and the tear was gone. 

"Because separating like this will Hurt less than pretending that we'll have a life together. The blood tests don't lie. I'm not getting better, and I'm tired of being a test subject." Tony said sadly, own tears threatening to escape.   
Bucky looked up at him.   
"You want to stop chemotherapy?"   
Tony nodded.   
"I just don't see the use of it." He admitted."I'm gonna die anyway, why make it more uncomfortable than nessecary?" 

Now that set Bucky off.   
"Because you have something to fight for. You've still got a chance to survive, I can't believe you're not willing to fight." Bucky stood up and looked at Tony with so much hurt in his eyes.   
"Bucky..." Tony felt the need to apologise.

"No, you're just going to leave me and I won't stand for it." Bucky's lip and voice trembled, and he fled the penthouse. Tony sunk to his knees and he cried, he'd pushed away the one person who had been there for him, who had made him open up to the others about needing help. He just hoped Bucky would be all right. 

When Steve found Bucky on his couch, wiping away his tears, he knew something had happened.   
"Hey there buck. What's up?"   
"Tony dumped me, but the worst part is that he basically decided he doesn't want to live anymore." Bucky croaked, another spill of tears streaming down his cheeks. 

"Oh no ..." Steve hugged Bucky and tried to console him.   
"I just don't know why he would give up his life, Steve. There are so many people who care about him, why would he give that up?" The ex-assasin sniffed.   
"I don't know buck. Tell me what he said." Steve encouraged his friend. 

"He ... He said he was going to die anyway and ... And that he wanted his life now to be as comfortable as possible. Said he was tired of being a test subject."  
Steve frowned in worry and combed through Bucky's hair. This sounded familiar.  
"We'll talk to him, buck. I promise, and who knows, Thor might bring back a cure."   
"I hope so." Bucky said, voice small. 

Steve just hugged him again and hoped that Tony knew what he'd done. He knew the feeling of being sick to almost dying all too well.   
"I love him so much, Steve." Bucky's small voice pulled him back from his thoughts. "I really do."   
"I know, you want some ice cream?"   
"Yes please."


	9. Chapter 9

Steve went to the communal kitchen and found Tony there. He looked no better than Bucky.   
"Steve..." He started.  
"Don't worry Tony. I understand, and I've got him." He reassured the man with a small smile. He understood, he couldn't blame Tony.   
"Thanks Steve. I just..."   
"Don't want to be a burden. Don't want to bother anyone?" Steve guessed.  
"Yeah..." Tony looked surprised. 

"I know how that feels," Steve said with a small smile, thinking about his life before the serum."and no one here is stronger than you."   
He turned to open the freezer and get the ice cream.  
"But no one wants you to die, Stark. We care about you. Think about that."   
He left Tony, who had nodded in thought, in the kitchen and went upstairs to Bucky again. 

"Here you go, chocolate, your favorite."He handed Bucky the cup.   
Bucky's eyes lit up for a moment.   
"Thanks Steve!"   
"You're welcome." Steve smiled, watching as Bucky scooped up spoonful after spoonful of the ice cream.

"Do you think I should try to talk to him?" Bucky asked Steve suddenly.   
"To Tony?" Steve asked.  
"Yeah. I mean, I more or less stormed out..." Bucky sounded embarrassed."I just don't want him to die. The idea made me so angry. Him being on his sickbed reminds me of a certain stubborn punk who couldn't keep his damn mouth shut." 

That made Steve chuckle.   
"Then you should know how he feels. I remember that punk unabashedly telling you how he felt." He said helpfully.  
"All I remember is ' I can do it on my own ' and ' I don't need help, my sickness doesn't make me helpless' oh..." Bucky went quiet with realisation and Steve smirked. 

Bucky turned to Steve again.   
"That's what this all is about? Him not wanting to be a burden and thinking he can do it on his own?"   
Steve shrugged.   
"I guess. That's what I would want..."

Bucky huffed.   
"You've seen him, Steve. It's so clear he needs someone to hold and comfort him, he gets so sick after chemotherapy."   
"Yet you need to respect his wishes, Buck. "Steve said sternly.   
"I can't just let him die, now can I?"

Meanwhile, Tony was sitting back in the penthouse. Steve understanding him had been a surprise. He'd expected the captain to be angry with him and sneer about hurting Bucky.   
The thought of hurting Bucky made Tony feel like the worst person on earth. He knew what Bucky had gone through, and the man really didn't deserve more hurt. 

"For Christ's sake. Captain America has his back, he'll be fine." He scolded himself, rubbing his face.   
"Jarvis, please do some research about chemotherapy, maybe we can improve it." He sighed. That would distract him and who knew, he might just save his own life.


	10. Chapter 10

"Sir... Sir?" Jarvis' voice woke Tony up.   
"I'm up. What's up, J?"   
"Ms Potts is here to see you."   
"Let her in."   
Tony straightened his back and rubbed his eyes, just as pepper stepped out of the elevator.   
"Oh Tony..." She walked up to him and hugged him.   
"Hey there Pep." He smiled into the hug.   
"How are you now?"   
"Tired, but I'll manage." Tony smiled slightly. 

Pepper studied the face of her good friend and just knew something was wrong.   
"Tell me what's wrong Tony, where's Bucky?"   
That made tears escape Tony's eyes, bingo.   
"I... I broke up with him." Tony whispered, and pepper swore.   
"Tony! When I told you to do something I meant maybe letting him in, not pushing him away! Why did you do that?" She scolded him. 

Tony looked at his hands.   
"I couldn't do that to him, pep. Couldn't make him hold on to a dream that I might survive."   
"You're Tony stark! You always miraculously survive!" She exclaimed.   
"I don't think I will this time, pep." Tony said sadly."the blood results came back and they weren't good."   
The blonde hugged her friend closer.   
"I'm so sorry to hear that, Tony. Is that why you broke up with Bucky?"   
"Yeah." 

Pepper nodded, wise enough not to ask any questions.   
"Come on, let's get you something to eat and a shower. I bet you'll feel better after that."   
She kept Tony busy, making sure he ate and drank. They took a look at development problems the R&D department had came across and couldn't figure out. Tony did feel better solving those problems indeed, they made him forget about his own problems. 

It was movie night that evening, and Tony was seriously thinking about not going. Bucky would be there of course, and he didn't know if he would be able to handle the sadness on the super soldiers face. Pepper insisted he'd go ,though, so he pulled on a sweater and grabbed a blanket before he accompanied her downstairs. 

"I'll see you soon, okay? Let me know if you need anything." She said softly.   
"I will, thanks pep." Tony smiled, wrapping his arms around himself. "I hope tonight will be smooth."   
"It's gonna be fine, Tony. You'll see."She promised, giving him one last hug before leaving. Tony returned to the common floor and settled on the couch next to Natasha. Clint and Sam were hanging on the other side of the couch, Clint catching popcorn pieces in his mouth in midair. 

"Hey there, how are you today?"Natasha asked with a smile.   
"I'm ...okay I guess?" Tony said."Where's capsicle and winter?"   
"Steve's in his quarters and will be down soon, I think." Natasha said."I thought Bucky would be with you."   
'no you didn't, you piece of cheeky Sovjet spy. You know I broke up with him.' Tony wanted to say, but he knew Natasha. She would wait until he told her something.   
"I broke up with Bucky this morning, wondered how he was doing." Tony murmured. 

That caught the attention of Sam and Clint as well.   
"You broke up with Bucky." Clint repeated.   
"Don't make it any harder than it is already, Barton." Tony said sternly." but yes, I did break up with him."   
The conversation was cut short as the elevator dinged and Steve and Bucky stepped out. Tony settled somewhat deeper into his blanket and watched them. Bucky did seem down, his eyes puffy as he clutched his blanket.


End file.
